Fellow Bostonians (and Somervillians, and Cantabrigiae Novae), have you found yourself sitting and musing, on this fine wintry afternoon, “Self, I’d love to go see the classic story of The Nutcracker this holiday season, but I can’t help thinking that there just aren’t enough tits in ballet.”?

Wonderful news! Someone has come up with a solution to this problem. The inimitable Sugar Dish, classically-trained ballerina and burlesque dancer extraordinaire, is once again producing The Slutcracker, the heartwarming tale of sweet Clara, the daring Drosselmeyer, and a magic dildo. The whip-cracking, pole-dancing, festive holiday Bacchanale runs at the Somerville Theater, including performances on XXX-Mas Eve and First Night.

We at Circlet Press sent out an envoy to deliver a large box of Christmas lesbians (in convenient paperback form) to the producer before the show opened. Get your tickets now to see what she’s done with them!

(I’ll be serving as an usher on December 20th and 24th. Come verify for yourself that we really do exist outside of the internet! — Arabella, the Porn Fairy)